Not Real
by The Self-Proclaimed Book Whore
Summary: Remus is dead and Sirius is hallucinating but then James comes along. RLSB slash.


Sirius woke up and in those first few seconds everything was perfect.

But then he remembers.

Dumbledore's solemn face at the Order meeting. Moody's gruff but sincere apologies. Molly's motherly hug. The Prewett twins unusual sombreness. Peter's white face, drained of all blood. James jerking from his chair and stumbling away to throw up. Lily bursting into tears and almost collapsing. The wail of grief that Sirius didn't even realise he was making until James began sobbing into his shoulder and he into James'. The buzzing noise that overrode everything as he finally broke down in the arms of James, Peter and Lily. The numbness he still feels all the time, bar those first few moments of waking.

The now familiar dread fills him, cancelling out everything else. Just knowing that he will never be able to smell the sweet chocolaty mixed with parchment and sunshine scent that makes up Remus. To know that he will never be able to hold Remus in his arms. To know that Remus will never again hold him in his arms. Realising that there will never be any more lazy mornings spent delaying their eventual rise from their warm cocoon of blankets and pillows. The knowledge that there will never be any more ridiculous arguments over anything and everything, just so they could hear the other's voice.

And once again it hits him, just like it has every other morning for the past five days that Remus is dead. That he's never coming back to the small flat that they call home.

Silent tears leak from the corners of Sirius' eyes as he remembers that Remus, his fellow Marauder, his best friend, his lover, his everything. His Moony has gone and is never coming back again.

Mechanically he rolls of their bed and shuffles to the bathroom to brush his teeth and get ready for the day. Throwing on some clothes he nearly walks out of their bedroom before turning back and pulling on one of Remus' worn and stretchy, slightly holey jumpers. Encased in the familiar scent he walks blindly past the old sofa they found on one of their jaunts through second hand stores and thrift shops, missing the sleeping figure.

He leans against the bench and stare unseeing out the windows as he waits for the water to boil the muggle way, because Remus always claimed it tasted better without magic. Adding a tea bag, sugar and milk, he drinks the mug of tea. Tasting the earl grey he thinks of all the times he tasted the familiar tea on Remus' lips as they kissed. Even the first time they kissed Remus had tasted of earl grey and chocolate. Sirius had kissed Remus as the latter lay in the hospital wing after yet another transformation. The spontaneous action had caused Remus to grin sleepily before whacking Sirius upside the head and demanding what had taken him so long. Of course Remus had then promptly tugged Sirius down onto the bed next to him, leaving James and Peter to find them some hours later asleep in each other's arms before they were shooed out by Madam Pomfrey.

Sighing Sirius sets the empty mug down on the table, a habit he had picked up solely for the reason that it made Remus roll his eyes at him before picking up the mug himself and with a quick kiss to Sirius' cheek rinsing it himself in the sink, which, if Sirius positioned himself just right, would allow for a perfect view of Remus' back, his honey-blond hair lit up by the rising sun. Remembering that there would be no Remus to annoy he pick the mug back up and washed it quickly. Turning back he made to leave the kitchen, planning to floo to the Potter's to play with baby Harry. The only thing that could bring a smile to his face these days.

Sirius was halfway to the fireplace before he saw the figure sitting on the sofa. The figure rubbing his face as he woke up from the kettle's cheeky, "Oi, I'm a little hot here." Sirius' mouth twitched and tears formed in his eyes as the figure got up and walked over to him.

"Padfoot, you alright," he asked.

Sirius began to tremble, this was the first time the figure had spoken to him since it had appeared the day after that Order meeting. "Not real. Not real. It's not real. Sirius, it not real." Sirius muttered to himself.

"Sirius, what's wrong." The figure walked over to him, reaching out to lay a hand on his shoulder. Sirius flinched violently and stumbled backwards until his back hit the wall. "Not real. Not real. Not real."

"You're starting to scare me, Siri. Talk to me, Pads, what's happened?" The figure advanced so they stood face-to-face, nose-to-nose, and cupped Sirius' face with both hands as Sirius' body betrayed him, more tears slowly running down his face. Gently wiping away Sirius' tears with tender swipes of his thumbs, the figure leaned forward to place the lightest of kisses on Sirius' muttering mouth. His quiet 'not real's slowly getting louder, as his breathing became more uneven.

Now shaking, Sirius slid down the wall, curling into a ball, arms over his head. The figure crouched down in front of him frantically running his hands over Sirius's body in an attempt to calm the sobbing man.

"YOU'RE NOT REAL. JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE." Sirius yelled as his grief turned to anger. The figure recoiled pain on his face, as Sirius yelled at him.

Sirius was kneeling on the floor now, tears cascading down his face as he sobbed uncontrollably. The figure slowly moved forward so he was kneeling before Sirius, close but not touching the despair ridden man, his own tears falling in the face of Sirius' misery and torment, and knowing he was causing it for reasons he didn't know.

The two remained as they were for who knows how long before the fireplace roared to life and a dark-haired man in glasses tumbled ungracefully from the fireplace, only just saving his mug of tea. Straitening up, while simultaneously bringing the mug to his lips James took on the scene before him. His two best friends, one supposedly dead but evidently not, kneeling in front of each other tears pouring down both their faces. Pure misery and torment radiating from Sirius. While Remus stared, horrified, at his weeping lover, confusion, sadness and anguish written all over his face.

The mug slipped from James' hand, shattering as it hit the floor, tea soaking into the bright rug. "Oh holy Merlin's pant." James whispered faintly, tripping over the mix of muggle and magical curses. "Lily," James roared into the fireplace, as he threw in some floo-powder.

The yell startled Remus from his stupor, "James," he asked, his voice sounding almost childish. "What happened, what's wrong with Siri?" The last word catching in his throat as his voice broke.

"Moony." James breathed, failing to blink back tears of his own.

Sirius' eyes fluttered at the name. Turning his head slowly he looked at his brother in all but blood. "You can see him, too?" he whispered, his face drained of blood.

"Siri. Pads, I'm not sure what the hell is going on but why wouldn't Prongs be able to see me?" Remus said.

Another person emerged from the fireplace, more gracefully than James as Remus was thrown back onto the sofa by Sirius who had leapt at him. Sirius' arms were like a vice around Remus, as Remus half sat half lay on the sofa, Sirius sobbing, now with relief, into his neck. Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius, murmuring reassuring nonsense into his ear, glancing at James questioningly.

"James," Lily asked, rubbing Harry's back. "What's happened, is Sirius okay?"

James just pointed at the sofa. "Remus." Lily shrieked, a hand flying to her mouth.

"Come on, Pads. It's alright." Remus said, gently nudging Sirius so they were both sitting up. Trying to pry Sirius' arms of him Remus sighed and rested his chin on Sirius' head when it became apparent that Sirius had no plans of letting Remus go any time soon.

"s'not alri'" Sirius mumbled into Remus's neck. "You lef' me."

"I know love, but I'm back now. I'm not leaving."

"Promise?"

"I promise." Remus whispered, fresh tears forming at the heartbreak in his lovers' voice.

"What happened Moony? Where were you?" James asked, sinking into an armchair.

"Yes Remus, I think you owe us all, Sirius especially, an explanation." Lily said softly as she repaired James' shattered mug and vanished the spilt tea with a wave of her wand.

"Owe you an explanation?" Remus asked, shaking his head. "I was with Frank and the twins, we came across some Death Eaters and we fought. Something happened and I blacked out. Next thing I know I'm in some muggle hospital drugged up to my eyeballs with things stuck in my arms, I would've left but someone had taken my wand. I'm not sure how long it was but a witch came in to visit her family and I managed to get her to summon my wand for me and help me escape. I apparated straight here, which in hindsight probably wasn't the best idea, because I only just made it inside before passing out again. Then I wake up and Siri is looking at me as if I'm a ghost and his worst nightmare all rolled up in one all the while saying that I'm not real."

The four sat in silence broken only by Sirius' soft sniffles. "What happened here?" he asked, pressing kisses into Sirius' hair.

"Well according to the twins, after you went down the Death Eaters vanished and Fabian had to apparate Frank to Hogwarts 'cause he was pretty messed up then Gideon spent hours looking for you before going to Hogwarts. Dumbles called an emergency meeting. Where he…they said… you didn't…" James swallowed thickly. "They said you died" he whispered. Sirius' breathing hitched at James' last word, and he let out another sob. "That was six days ago."

Remus' eyes squeezed shut as he realised his friends disturbing reactions to his appearance. "Oh Gods, Pads. Oh Merlin." He whispered, burrowing his head into Sirius' shoulder, tightening his arms around his lovers' waist. "I'm so sorry, love."

The two men clung to each other. "We'll leave you two to it then, eh." James said, giving Remus a quick hug as best he could around Sirius. "We'll tell Dumbledore and the Order about your return and all that. I guess you can expect a call in a few hours. And I suppose there'll be a meeting tonight."

Remus nodded, and chuckled as Lily finally spoke, "If I weren't so relieved you aren't dead, I would kill you myself Remus John Lupin. Don't you ever do that to us, to poor Sirius again. Do you hear me?"

"Yes, Lily dear. I hear you loud and clear." Remus assured her Sirius finally let him up a little. Lily and Harry disappeared into the fire as Remus gently led Sirius back to their bedroom.

Sirius woke up some hours later and everything was perfect. For a second he remembered and the pain came back. But then there was a light huff of air against his neck and he recognised the familiar weight of Remus' arm around his waist. He turned to face his sleeping lover, snuggling closer into his arms and everything was perfect again.

* * *

A/N, Hey there. This isn't the first fic I've written but it's the first I'm publishing. Hope you enjoyed :D


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